Life Regrets and Horrible Decisions

The title might seem like it's going to be an extremely deep entry, but here's some hint: this entry is NOT about me not saying "I love you" to my significant other and then losing them, and it's NOT about me making bad, thrilling decisions to piss of my parents, no. This entry is about the journey of my self-improvement. You know, a couple things that I regret doing and NOT doing in the past to improve myself. Without further ado.

1) I learned to play the piano when I was in grade school, but I was lazy. And as time goes my mother saw that I wasn't intense playing it as if I weren't the slightest bit interested, so she decided to cut off my piano lesson and at that moment, I was thrilled. I was happy not having to play the goddamned piano ever again. But as I grow up I realized I should've kept playing the piano. Music isn't really my thing, you know, but damn I should've kept playing the piano. It's the one thing that I'm not exactly passionate about, but want to be able to do.

2) I wrote a bunch of fiction back in the day, like when I was in Grade 4-6. After I was introduced to "internet" in middle school, things kind of took a wrong turn and I stopped writing just like that, because hey, Facebook is one hell of an exciting activity. My father was always the one to encourage me to write, but I stopped. I should've never stopped writing. Now that I'm 19 and struggling to write fiction, or hardly anything, because ideas never seem to approach me, I think back of when I could write fiction without worrying that ideas might run out. Those days were awesome. I didn't write for anyone. I wrote for myself. I was even embarrassed if my parents read my script, but I was happy. I liked to write. I still do, but these days the excuses are overpowering me. I wish I had never stopped writing.

3) I took badminton training when I was in middle school. I gave it up because I don't feel comfortable with the training ground, the coach, and the friends. I regret that with every piece of my heart. I'm not and have never been someone who gave up just because I don't like my surroundings, so I don't know why I gave up my badminton training. I wasn't THAT great at playing badminton, but I was okay. I'm not the best in training, but I'm also not the worst. My highlight point is that I LOVE the game, so I'm a bit lost as to why I decided to quit badminton. It was probably one of the worst decisions I've ever made in my life. My mother believed that I might be good at it. She thought it could be something that I could work on for my life, but I proved her wrong. I guess at that moment all I want was for my mother to quit forcing me to do stuffs, but now I wish she had forced me to continue. I was okay at playing badminton, and I came to a realization that I could be GOOD at it. Had I not quit.

Those are only examples of my, I guess you could call it, a bad habit. There are more stories of similar nature. I get bored easily. It's a bit hard for me to develop interests. It's hard to maintain my level of interest towards something. I could be very much excited about one thing and ended up hating it to the guts. And then regretting that I gave it up. The way I see it, it's almost like a deadly cycle. It was in my early years of high school that I start to realize, this is a bad habit. I thought, "I cannot keep doing this. I will never have anything to work on if I keep this up. But the more I think of it, the more I'm lost as to what my real interest is. As for now, I'm trying to write as much as possible as means to figure out what I love, and it almost felt like I'm walking on a path of heated rocks. I DON'T WANT TO QUIT, because I know I'll regret it.

It's always easier to learn from someone else's experience, so you don't have to sense the awful taste of failure and disappointment, so for people younger than me or facing the same problems please hear me out. It's okay to feel bored, lose interest, and feel like you're not meant to do whatever it is you're doing, but DO NOT QUIT. Quitting will only adds to the list of the things you failed doing, and we don't want a long list of that. So keep working on your interest and simply don't quit.

P.S. : I feel like I've talked too much of myself, so the next entry will NOT be about me and my endless deep dark fears.

Dream Closet by Color-coordination

Huge closets have been a thing for as long as I can remember, I remember as a kid I used to dream of having the biggest walk-in closet and have as many clothes as I can. Most of us may not be able to have a walk-in closet for now, at least I can't, but we can achieve that same level of aesthetic by our very own wardrobe.

The secret to having a cute closet, or wardrobe in our case, is to color-coordinate. Some pictures of walk-in closets have a ton of clothes, but that's not the most important aspect here. We are all fascinated by the art of walk-in closets that some of us might be deceived. It's a form of deception to think that walk-in closets look amazing because the clothes are amazing. No. It's just the art of arranging the clothes in a way that it appeals the eye the moment you open your wardrobe. That's why stores arrange their clothes in an orderly fashion. The look of clothes arranged in a certain classification simply attracts the eye. Accordingly, if you want to have the same feeling of walking to a store when you open your wardrobe, do learn how to color-coordinate your clothes.

1. Hang your clothes, instead of folding them.

I know it's unnecessary to hang ALL of your clothes, like why would you hang your lousy t-shirts, right? I'm here to tell you that you don't have to hang ALL your clothes, you just have to hang the stuffs that are kinda nice and will help on your color-coordination. Items such as shirts, blouses, dresses, fancy outerwears, are all worth hanging. It'll help a lot more if you can have matching hangers to make it seem a little more sophisticated. A pack of black hangers is a great buy always.

2. Sort your clothes

The next step is to sort your nice clothes into colors. Whites go together, blacks go together, blues go together and such. This step is crucial because organization is the key in color-coordination. It'll be a lot easier after you sort your clothes.

3. Arranging colors

Before you start, make your mind on which arrangement of clothes you want to do. Dark to light or light to dark? It is important because arranging clothes by the colors is appealing to most eyes. Also, this will help you decide which color to start. If you decide to go from light to dark, then the best way to start coordinating your clothes is putting the white items together. On the contrary, if you chose dark to light, you might want to start with your black items.

Colors Guide (light to dark): White - Yellow - Red - Purple - Blue - Black

4. Plain, Vacant Patterns, Full Patterns

In terms of patterned clothes, the best way to arrange this is to start with the plain ones, followed by the ones with big, sparse patterns, and then finally the small full patterned ones. This is because our eyes tend to be more appealed seeing more attractive pieces. It's more organized to look at the plain ones first before the patterned.

5. Even distance between hangers

This is one of the more crucial details in color-coordination. The distance between each hangers should be the same, that way it doesn't mess up with the proportion.

TIPS:

- If you have only one item on a certain color, it's wise not to put it on the color-coordinated rack. It'll ruin the palette of colors. However, it's still okay to put it there just as long as it goes according to the color guide.

- When it comes to striped or dotted items, it's better to put it among the darker color groups. For example, if you have a white shirt with dark blue stripes, you should put it among the blue-colored items.

I hope these steps and tips help! Color-coordinating your wardrobe is all about organization and and orderliness. But creativity is honestly the most important part! Happy color-coordination day!

I Pity Me

(early side note) So I'm currently on holidays and it's an extremely looong one since it's the end of the semester. I'm not going to college 'til mid August. I don't have anywhere planned to go, 'cause my family usually go on trips on Christmas holiday instead of this time of year, since both my parents work. So yeah, I'm just hanging here. I recently participated in a moot court competition and I'm waiting for some results (it'll be out July 1st, so fingers crossed!)but aside from that, I don't have much going on in my life (as usual).

Hey!

I spend half my day watching Youtube videos and I feel extra guilty for it. I mean I still do some chores and everything but I feel guilty for not having anything to do. Is that weird? My mom actually keeps complaining about my habit, being on Youtube all day, but what can I say mom, it's addictive.

Quite recently I've been pitying myself while watching them Youtube videos because I see these kids, some of them my own age, having all their life figured out. They have a lot of promising stuffs happening, they get to travel, speak about their lives on a huge platform like Youtube and actually have people listen to them, and most importantly they get paid for doing what they like. And... I'm over here like waking up late and doing nothing the whole day.

I don't envy them, rather I feel inspired. But sometimes inspiration doesn't work the way you want them to.

Sure, I want to be like them. I mean not exactly like them, but I want to have something to work on that I'm passionate about. I just don't know how to start. And I know that's a typical excuse, people would say if you're actually passionate about it you will figure everything out. And some will say you'll figure it out when it's time.

But I'm tired of waiting for that time to arrive. I've already waited too damn long for my time. I feel like I'm wasting my youth not doing anything useful or inspiring. Hell, I'm turning 20 any minute and I still live with my parents and receiving money from them every single day. This isnt what my 14-year-old self planned the other day. In fact, this is what I have been afraid of my whole life. Nothing to work on. Flat life. Nothing going on.

Bottom line, I'm currently on a very-low-self-esteem stage of my life watching these people make their dreams a reality while plain me is staying still. How do you work on your self esteem? I'm serious.

(another side note) Spending most of my day on Youtube, the videos I watch include make-up tutorials, celeb interviews, vlogs, routine videos, among many others. What do you watch?

Good People, Good Life

Have you ever imagined how it would be if you were alone in this planet? Or maybe in your neighborhood? Like if there was an alien attack or anything and everyone but you, just vanished into thin air. I actually have thought about this matter several times, and the only thing I could imagine happening is me getting into stores and taking anything I want. But that's not what I want to talk about.

If you think about it, being the only human around is quite creepy. I'm the kind of person who's always talking to people, so I don't know how I'll survive. I often describe myself as a somewhat anti-social, but as time goes by I'm starting to realize that I'm not. Nobody is an anti-social. Face it. No matter how much you like being alone, no matter how much you say you're an anti-social, you enjoy being with people. Of course, the people who appreciate you, not the ones who treat you like trash.

Through this past year I have learned that in order for people to not treat you like trash, you have to be involved. Not to stick your nose in people's business, but to be the person they believe will be there for them. Because when you are good to people, people will be good to you. And when people are good to you, life is a good thing. I feel very lucky to have been surrounded by good people lately. Surround yourself with positive things and good people, and I hope you have a good life.

P.S.: Earlier this afternoon I watched a clip of one of Grey's Anatomy's best scene, which is when Derek proposed to Meredith in the elevator. I caught a glimpse of Derek's words that attract me.

"If there is a crisis, you don't freeze. You move forward. You get the rest of us to move forward. Because you've seen worse. You've survived worse. And you know we'll survive too."