(early side note) So I'm currently on holidays and it's an extremely looong one since it's the end of the semester. I'm not going to college 'til mid August. I don't have anywhere planned to go, 'cause my family usually go on trips on Christmas holiday instead of this time of year, since both my parents work. So yeah, I'm just hanging here. I recently participated in a moot court competition and I'm waiting for some results (it'll be out July 1st, so fingers crossed!)but aside from that, I don't have much going on in my life (as usual).
I spend half my day watching Youtube videos and I feel extra guilty for it. I mean I still do some chores and everything but I feel guilty for not having anything to do. Is that weird? My mom actually keeps complaining about my habit, being on Youtube all day, but what can I say mom, it's addictive.
Quite recently I've been pitying myself while watching them Youtube videos because I see these kids, some of them my own age, having all their life figured out. They have a lot of promising stuffs happening, they get to travel, speak about their lives on a huge platform like Youtube and actually have people listen to them, and most importantly they get paid for doing what they like. And... I'm over here like waking up late and doing nothing the whole day.
I don't envy them, rather I feel inspired. But sometimes inspiration doesn't work the way you want them to.
Sure, I want to be like them. I mean not exactly like them, but I want to have something to work on that I'm passionate about. I just don't know how to start. And I know that's a typical excuse, people would say if you're actually passionate about it you will figure everything out. And some will say you'll figure it out when it's time.
But I'm tired of waiting for that time to arrive. I've already waited too damn long for my time. I feel like I'm wasting my youth not doing anything useful or inspiring. Hell, I'm turning 20 any minute and I still live with my parents and receiving money from them every single day. This isnt what my 14-year-old self planned the other day. In fact, this is what I have been afraid of my whole life. Nothing to work on. Flat life. Nothing going on.
Bottom line, I'm currently on a very-low-self-esteem stage of my life watching these people make their dreams a reality while plain me is staying still. How do you work on your self esteem? I'm serious.
(another side note) Spending most of my day on Youtube, the videos I watch include make-up tutorials, celeb interviews, vlogs, routine videos, among many others. What do you watch?
wkwkwk sedih
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